sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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