she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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