everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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