3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
