i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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