My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
