Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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