I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
