The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
