I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Welp...herpes.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
