you guys were way drunker than both of me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
