Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
