kristin has been a bad kristin
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I touched a dick in church today
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
