When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
