Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Please, let me fuck your mom
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
