My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
