i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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