so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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