he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
