do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
