Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
