you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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