I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
