Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
