You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
