You smell like a Billy Joel song
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
