I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
