I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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