Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
