unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
