On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
worst night to have a conscience
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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