Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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