tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
