i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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