i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
