He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
