Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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