remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
