I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Michael Bay diarrhea
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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