I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
