S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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