Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
