i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
