I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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