I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
