i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
