ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
