that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
