you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
