I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
