Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
